Top Body-Positive Parenting Take-Aways for 2020!

Gummy bears from breakfast, anyone?

A guide to the hidden gems of The Full Bloom Podcast 2019

Why we should have 100 one-minute conversations with our kids.

Do you remember your parent(s) having “the talk” with you? You know, the one about the birds and the bees. Most of us have either no memory of such a conversation because our parents totally avoided the topic, or remember one truly embarrassing event. Justine Fonte, sex-positive, health educator extraordinaire, and our guest on episode #34 of the pod, told us that despite popular opinion — that our kids will learn all they need to know about sex from school professionals — parents are actually our children’s number one sex educator. Although it may feel like the pressure is ON if we are in fact our kids’ primary source of sex-intel, Justine also encouraged us to focus on having 100 one-minute conversations over sitting down for one antiquated and awkward “Talk.” She encouraged us to use our environments — like commercials, billboards, and tv shows — as our child’s sex-ed curriculum, and to keep it organic and casual. 

The magic of cervical fluid.

Can you imagine if your mom — or another female mentor in your life — told you about cervical fluid when you were 9? Honestly, it was hard for us to imagine too! But when Lisa Hendrickson-Jack, our guest on episode #38, talked to us about how cervical fluid can be used as a body-positive parenting tool, she kind of blew our minds. Bringing cervical fluid to the conversation table is not only a great way to speak frankly about menstrual cycles, but it also helps our daughters approach their first periods prepared, with confidence and curiosity. We love that body-positive parents can fight stigma by normalizing conversations about the body’s incredible function and simultaneously take the shame out of the topic of periods.

Our favorite prevention “life hack”.

“Gut health” is one of the ultimate wellness buzz words these days. There are lots of detox plans, protocols, and lifestyles out there that claim to improve “gut health,” but they often neglect the reality that worries and anxiety can also play a role in compromising the well-being of the gut. The scariest part here is that our kids are not exempt from any of this. When kids complain of “tummy troubles,” well-meaning parents often taken them to doctors and dietitians who are quick to recommend restrictive elimination diets that put them at a greater risk for disordered eating and body image concerns. After all, one of the top risk factors for the future development of an eating disorder is early childhood eating and GI complaints. Seeing as we can never be too sure who may develop an eating disorder — remember there are so many factors, including genetic loading — Registered Dietitian, Marci Evans, our episode #32 guest, taught us an amazing prevention life hack: take your kids to dietitians and doctors who are eating disorder and Health at Every Size (HAES(®) experts. You don’t need to wait for a problem to brew to seek out this kind of support. These are the folks who will be best able to support your body-positive prevention efforts and help your kiddos without doing unintended harm.  

Non-judgmental stance scripts.

Fostering emotional wellness in our children is critical, but sometimes it is easier said than done. We love the “less is more” recommendation from Dr. Rebecca Kennedy (guest on episode #19) to approach our children’s emotional experience like a scientist collecting data — with nonjudgmental curiosity. She even gave us a handy script to lean on that’s guaranteed to leave our children feeling truly heard and seen. It also helps us parents feel like we actually know what we’re doing, especially in moments when our own emotions leave us short on words. When your child tells you ANYTHING… especially expressed emotion… follow this simple script:

“I’m so glad you’re telling me this”

“You really know you feel [insert whatever child is saying, no mater how irrational]”

“Tell me more… and then what?”

Remember, the way we speak to our children will ultimately become the way they speak to themselves!

What to promote when “body-positivity” misses the point.

While we are all about body-positive parenting at The Full Bloom Project, our interview with Dr. Carly Guss and researcher Dr. Sabra Katz-Wise about gender non-conforming and trans youth (episode #20) reminded us that sometimes body-positivity is simply not inclusive enough and, frankly, can miss the point. In situations where gender dysphoria is present — a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity — it is inappropriate to push body-positivity if what we are going for is self-acceptance and emotional wellness. We can, however, promote body neutrality, which emphasizes a stance of neutral, nonjudgmental acceptance rather than feeling “positive” about or loving one’s body. Body neutrality emphasizes a mindful acceptance of bodies as they are, focusing on their function, rather than devoting energy to either positive or negative feelings about one’s appearance. Another alternative to try on is body liberation, which emphasizes that loving one’s body should not be a goal in a world where bodies experience different levels of privilege and oppression. It highlights the need for inclusion of marginalized voices and confrontation of issues like racism, sizeism, ageism, and ableism in conversations about bodies. We want you and your children to pick the term that feels best to you…or come up with your own. It doesn’t have to be one-size fits all!

Sometimes you need to serve gummy bears for breakfast.

Would you serve your toddler gummy bears for breakfast? Many people wouldn’t, but Dr. Tovah Klein (aka the “Toddler Whisperer” and our guest on episode #40) told us that sometimes it’s the healthiest thing you can do. She schooled us on why food and mealtimes are a hotbed for toddler battles over control, and when to hold the line vs. when to give a child what they are asking for. We loved her anecdote about a family she worked with who had a child who would tantrum every morning for gummy bears, only to be told no repeatedly. Understandably, this child’s loving parents had prepared beautifully balanced and nutritious breakfasts that would more appropriately nourish and provide “fuel” than a bag of sugary bears. But Tovah told us — and them — that the remedy for this gummy-bear obsessed tot was to serve the candy with breakfast, as if it was no big deal. And it worked. The forbidden fruit is always most desired, and it’s our job as parents to take the sensationalism out of food. It may not be gummy bears for your kids, but whatever food may be, try serving it with a “no big deal” attitude on the regular. Give it time and observe what happens. Chances are it will lose its luster and can just become another part of your child’s week. 

BMI charts are racist and harmful.

Most of us know what a BMI — or Body Mass Index — chart is. Fortunately an increasing number of us also know that they are not particularly useful, in that they tell us virtually nothing about a person’s health status. But did you know that they actually have racists roots and can cause unintended harm? Dr. Sabrina Strings, our guest on episode #31, talked to us all about the origin of “obesity science,” why BMI measures include arbitrary cut-offs, and how weight stigma and its consequences like weight cycling contribute to poor health outcomes for people in larger bodies. She also explained that the creator of the BMI, Adolphe Quetelet, was not a physician. He was a statistician who believed that the mathematical mean of a population was its ideal, and his desire to prove it resulted in the invention of the BMI. But Quetelet’s sample set of people was far from inclusive — he used the size and measurements of Western European participants, and no people of color were included. The BMI was a way of measuring populations, not individuals — and it was designed for the statistical purposes, not to measure individual health. Seriously, tune in to this episode to hear Sabrina talk about how activists and allies can advocate for medical practitioners and institutions to end the utilization of BMI as a health measure, and why prescribing weight loss leads to harm in the long run. In the meantime make sure your kids know that BMI is bull$*&%!